Curfews have long been a source of contention between teens and parents.
I remember negotiating nighttime boundaries with my parents; and now my teenage sons are doing the same with my wife and I. Fortunately, you might say we have the upper hand, since our boys are still too young to drive. Soon, however, that will change.
Parents are best to start curfew conversations long before it’s time to impose a late night deadline. Once the teen years start, intelligent discussions about adolescent responsibility will pave the way to successful curfew implementation.
[See: 10 of the Biggest Health Threats Facing Your Kids This School Year.]
Despite moms’ and dads’ best efforts, teenagers are typically a bit resistant to meeting evening expectations. Most adolescents feel that curfews are a parental power play. Teenagers are more concerned with their own freedom and independence than parents’ safety worries. Nighttime rules are, however, an opportunity to teach your child about setting limits, social responsibility and common courtesy.
Set up a family meeting to discuss curfew rules. A good starting point is to ask your teen what they think is a reasonable expectation, which gives them a voice in the process. Advance discussions prevent future arguments, and there are many things to consider as you set your limits. For example, does your child have a weekend job? What time do most of your child’s friends have to be home? What are your local curfew regulations? Parents should never allow their children to break the law.
While it’s important to clearly define late night expectations, it’s also important to avoid being too rigid. Most evenings should have a specific time of return, but unique circumstances may call for suspending the normal curfew and allowing a child to come home later. As your child gets older, a flexible curfew teaches responsibility in negotiating special situations, such as a concert, prom or a late night job. Soon your emerging young adult will be in college, and it’s best he or she understands how to make sensible decisions rather than go crazy with newfound freedom.
Once you have established the rules, determine the consequences for breaking curfew with your teen’s assistance. Determining a punishment on the spot can result in a volatile and emotionally poor parenting decision. There is minimal arguing when enacting a jointly created predetermined rule. Knowing what to expect will also motivate your child to be home on time.
[Read: 5 Strategies to Nourish a Teen Who Refuses to Eat Breakfast.]
If your child does return after the designated hour, tell him or her you’re relieved they’re home. Heated late night discussions are rarely productive, so go to bed and talk it over in the morning. On occasion, there may actually be a good reason for breaking curfew, like taking extra time to find a sober driver when a friend who was supposed to drive has been drinking. A broken boundary could provide an opportunity to connect with your teen and have a conversation about bigger issues.
Just as important as a curfew is the “check-in rule.” Your child should say good night when he or she returns, even if that means waking you. This gives you the piece of mind of knowing your teen is home and provides a reason for all socializing adolescents to make good decisions, because they will have to talk to mom and dad before going to bed.
Kids should also understand that curfews help regulate sleep. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, most teens need eight to nine hours of sleep each night. Adolescents are biologically driven to stay up late; once home, you may also need to encourage your teenager to actually get to bed. Well-rested students do better in school, have fewer mental health issues and are less prone to have a car accident.
Teens who consistently follow curfew rules typically become responsible young adults. Being home on time creates a behavioral awareness that teaches time management and self-control. Students who can manage reasonable expectations are better prepared for life after high school than self-focused adolescents who struggle to consider the feelings of others.
[See: 10 Concerns Parents Have About Their Kids’ Health.]
At the core of imposing late night rules is parental concern, and your children should understand your worries. Curfews help parents manage their own anxieties. Explain that you trust your teens to make good decisions but are concerned about their safety and how the behavior of others may impact them. Respect your children, and they will respect your household rules.
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Manage Curfew Conflicts to Get Your Teen Home Safely originally appeared on usnews.com
