Over the last few years, I have seen a dramatic increase in teens leveraging their smartphone video cameras essentially as weapons — leaving in their wake peers and family members who are socially and emotionally devastated. You might think me dramatic, but to witness the fallout is to understand that’s not too strong a characterization.
I recently spoke to a patient whose 14-year old daughter had secretly videotaped her father reprimanding her 17-year-old brother after he was caught drunk. Her daughter posted the interaction to social media, garnering a substantial number of views and shares. My patient revealed that for her husband, a prominent professional in their small community, this window into his private life has been ruinous. Before she posted, his daughter didn’t stop to consider that her video would cause her family so much harm.
[See: 7 Ways Technology Can Torpedo Your Health.]
Teens are not always clear thinking; their brains have not yet developed the cognitive ability for forethought, judgment and impulse control. In addition, they are sometimes motivated by a drive to be popular or cool and by the desire for attention. They view their phones as a quick and easy path to these goals. It’s therefore essential that parents and other adults educate and monitor teens in order to mitigate their potential for hurting others in pursuit of personal gain.
Many teens also struggle with insecurity and low self-esteem. As a result, in an effort to combat bad feelings about themselves while leveraging their simultaneous need for social power, they may turn to belittling their peers. Indeed, a 15-year-old patient of mine and her best friend felt powerful at a party, as they sneakily videotaped two popular girls speaking hurtfully and very meanly about peers who weren’t there. They shared the video with those discussed in it. Was the gossip at the party nice? No, of course not. However, the girls at the party had a reasonable expectation that their conversation would remain private — and thus not reach those they were talking about. But when those who took the video without permission shared the private conversation, it was hurtful to the gossipers as well as to those who were the topic of conversation. The ripple effects broke apart friendships, caused emotional upheaval for several girls and even ended relationships among parents who had been friends.
In many such situations, parents of the videographer refuse to acknowledge their child’s culpability, and instead blame the child who uttered the mean words. It’s common to believe that sharing bad behavior is the right thing to do. Indeed, it is sometimes important to share destructive, abusive or negative behavior, but only if the intention is to stop the behavior and get help. With this in mind, sharing via social media or with other teens in chat groups or even in person is almost never the right response.
[Read: Sharenting: Do You Share Too Much About Your Children on Social Media?]
Taking the video to a parent, school administrator or another reliable adult reflects an authentic desire to be helpful, while passing the video around perpetuates gossip and causes potentially irreversible emotional and reputation damage. It’s critical that parents and other adults help kids understand the difference.
Increasingly college admissions officers, potential employers or clients check social media and digital footprints from all stages of a person’s life. So it’s vital to do one’s best to keep a “clean” online presence. Such a search should not reveal videos of one drunk, naked, out of control or behaving badly or meanly. When teens thoughtlessly, or with vindictive forethought, post such videos of family or peers, the videos are rarely retractable once they’ve been viewed and shared online. In many cases, the emotional trauma and damage to reputations is irreversible.
Of course we need to teach our teens to behave appropriately and not to place themselves in a compromising position in which they might be filmed. However, all people are entitled to privacy, and no human being is perfect. Adults will lose their temper, and teens will make mistakes and behave poorly. Should such moments be documented and broadcast?
With such high stakes, it’s imperative that we teach teens to refrain from violating the privacy of others and to recognize the potentially far-reaching destruction that their video camera can wreak on others’ lives. As adults, we need to hold our children responsible for their own behavior — not to see it as their right to broadcast bad behavior of others for personal gain.
[See: 10 of the Biggest Health Threats Facing Your Kids This School Year.]
Teens have an enormous amount of power in the palms of their hands. We have to insist that they use this power appropriately and not to ruin lives. If your teen’s behavior has proven that he or she is not yet capable of good judgment with a smartphone, by all means, disarm their phone’s video camera. That might upset them, but it could save the emotional lives of others for years to come.
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How to Keep Teens From Turning Their Smartphones Into Weapons originally appeared on usnews.com
