Whether for a Fortune 500 company, a small nonprofit or a personal relationship, it’s critical to have a clear vision for the future.
An effective vision statement defines what, optimally, an organization or individual wishes to achieve over time. It provides guidance and inspiration for the long haul. Given the profound importance of the parent-child relationship, I recommend to fathers I work with that they develop their own vision statement.
Getting through the guaranteed ups and downs, head-spinning changes and everyday challenges of family life without some sense of vision, leaves much to chance and circumstance. Being passive, taking it as it comes or just relying on your natural instincts is what I call “letting fatherhood happen to you.”
Even with the best intentions, it’s important to articulate exactly what you want as a father — like a close relationship with your child — to ensure that it becomes reality.
Crafting a vision statement can help you clarify your sense of purpose as a dad, guide you in making parenting decisions and keep you accountable and focused on your relationships with your kids.
[See: 10 Concerns Parents Have About Their Kids’ Health.]
Creating Your “Dad’s Vision Statement”
To get started, read the following brief scenario and then answer the questions below. I highly recommend taking some time to think through your responses and write them down. The Dad’s Vision Statement is meant to be a living document that’s developed and amended as you and your children grow and enter new stages of life. Periodically revisiting your vision may lead to a shift in priorities or actions. It’s not about trying to shape your child into the person you want or think they should be, but a concrete way to stay tuned in and actively engaged with your child based on your own goals.
So here’s the scenario: Imagine 20 years from now your child is interviewed for a documentary film about you. The filmmaker asks your child to describe what kind of father you were and what your child’s relationship with you was like growing up.
Keeping this scenario in mind, respond to the questions below, being as specific as possible with your answers:
1. What are some things you hope your child says about you as a dad?
2. What are some things you hope he or she doesn’t say about you?
3. Currently, what are some of your priorities as a father?
4. What are some personal changes you want to make as a dad?
[Read: The Serious Business of Play.]
One Dad’s Vision
To help get you going, here’s an excerpt from my book “The Modern Dad’s Dilemma” of one father’s completed vision statement:
Dad’s Vision Statement: Chris Garniewicz
To create a Dad’s Vision Statement, I asked Chris to imagine his daughter, Hayden, being interviewed for a documentary film about his life 20 years from now. Chris envisioned the filmmaker asking Hayden to describe her relationship with him. Then he responded to these four questions:
1). Twenty years from now, I hope Hayden says:
My dad is trustworthy and loving. I can talk openly and honestly with him, and he listens to my point of view.
2). Twenty years from now, I hope Hayden does NOT say:
Dad wasn’t honest with me. He didn’t walk his talk. He didn’t care what I had to say.
3). Today, my priorities are:
I work hard at keeping my word and leading by my actions. We include Hayden in every area of our lives and spend tons of time with her. We give her opportunities to try new things and to take risks, encourage her to have a strong voice and help her make more decisions for herself.
4). What I need to change:
I need to come home from work in the morning and be less grouchy, more patient and more emotionally available. I also need to be a better listener and to overall make a constant effort to maintain trust and keep the dialogue open with Hayden.
Remember that your relationship with your child’s mother also has a significant impact on your child’s development. With that in mind, you can do this same exercise by simply switching out the word “Dad” with “Husband,” “Partner” or “Co-parent,” and then answer the same four questions with that revised focus in mind.
Putting Your Vision Statement Into Practice
If you’re a father, you’ve most likely spent a lot of time thinking about the kind of dad you want to be. But without a clear vision, sticking to these ideas can be challenging in the rough and tumble world of parenting. Taking some time to create a Dad’s Vision Statement is a simple, meaningful and practical way to be proactive in your relationship with your child.
Depending on the age of your children, you may want to share your vision with them. For your child to see that his or her dad thinks and cares about this relationship — and to learn about the specific steps he’s taking to work on it — can be powerful, and open up a rich dialogue.
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Creating Your ‘Dad’s Vision Statement’ originally appeared on usnews.com
