If you have an out-of-work friend or family member, you probably want to be helpful and supportive. But sometimes people’s initial instincts for what to say to help can be … well, the opposite of helpful.
Here are 10 things that most job seekers are really tired of hearing from family and friends. Take a look and see if you’re guilty of any of these.
[See: The 8 Stages of a Winning Job Search.]
Do you have any interviews coming up? This is one of the most common questions that job seekers hear, and while it might sound like an innocuous way to take an interest in what’s going on with them, it can be pretty demoralizing to spend months answering it — especially if the answer is no.
Did you ever hear back from that interview you had last month? Again, to someone who isn’t engaged in the daily slog of a job search, this question can sound innocent, but it can be exhausting to have to explain repeatedly that no, that job didn’t come through.
Maybe you just need to get out there and pound the pavement. This is old-fashioned job advice that rarely applies in today’s market; most professional jobs today require people to apply online. These days, in most fields, showing up in person will make you look really out of touch and will not be a bonus to your candidacy — and yet somehow this advice persists.
[See: 10 Ways Social Media Can Help You Land a Job.]
Why don’t you apply at a coffee shop (or fast food or retail)? Any job seeker worried about their finances has considered this option — and has either rejected it or tried and failed. It’s not as easy as it might have been at one time in the past to just pick up a low-wage job; there’s far more competition for them now, and employers are understandably wary of hiring someone with no track record in their business and who’s likely to leave as soon as something better comes along.
Why do you think it’s taking so long? Believe me, your job-searching friend or family member is wondering this, too. Asking them to explain to you why they haven’t been hired yet borders on cruel. The reality is that some job searches can take a really long time. Sometimes that’s due to the market and the competition in the field or the geographic region they live in, and sometimes it’s due to weaknesses in their work history, skills or interviewing skills. Whatever the reason, it’s likely a question they’re haunted by regularly.
Here’s a (totally unrelated to your field) job posting that you should apply for! The impulse to forward job postings comes from a kind place, but if you don’t really know your friend’s field or much about what they do, this can end up being more frustrating than helpful. Many job seekers report getting bombarded by friends and family who urge them to apply for positions that are wildly outside their career paths. It’s not that you should never try to be helpful, but it’s a good idea to ask the job seeker in your life whether the types of ads you’re forwarding are in line with their interests or not.
[See: 10 Things Your Mom Didn’t Teach You About Job Searching.]
Did you apply for that job posting I sent you? This can put your friend in an awkward spot because it can feel like nagging — and they may have already determined that the job wasn’t right for them. If you’re going to pass along job postings, leave it to your friend to manage them from there.
I hear tech (or nursing, etc.) is a hot field right now! Suggesting that your friend drop their career and go into an entirely different field isn’t usually practical (or welcome). Your friend may have no interest in or aptitude for the brand new field you’re suggesting, and switching fields usually requires significant work and often years of schooling. Plus, they may be deeply committed to staying with their chosen career.
You need to treat your job search like a full-time job. The idea that looking for a job should be a full-time endeavor has somehow turned into conventional wisdom — but for many people, if not most people, it’s wrong. Most job searchers will have better luck if they go for quality over quantity in their applications and only apply for jobs that are a strong match — and in many fields, there simply may not be enough openings to justify spending 40 hours a week on the search. Of course, a job search is about more than just sending in resumes and cover letters; it’s also about networking — but there too, 40 hours a week may not be anything close to a reasonable expectation.
At least you have a lot of free time now! This can come across as insensitive, since being unemployed isn’t a vacation. Your friend is probably extremely worried and anxious about their job search and finances.
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10 Things Job Seekers Are Tired of Hearing From Family and Friends originally appeared on usnews.com
