We all know networking is still the best way to get a job. And the first connections we want to leverage are warm leads through friends, former co-workers, professional networking connections and yes — family members. When we mention asking family for help with networking, it’s usually met with silence or a sigh. Many of us, understandably, hesitate to ask family for assistance with our search. Because although they mean well, they may have an agenda or opinion we don’t agree with. Or it’s an awkward conversation that brings up other unrelated issues like, “Why are you changing jobs anyway, the current job you have is great — are you crazy?” And the conversation goes downhill from there.
[See: 10 Things Your Mom Didn’t Teach You About Job Searching.]
In some cases, asking family for help with networking is not a good idea. If it will strain the relationship, decrease your confidence or have any other negative impact, steer clear and look to your network of friends instead. But, if it’s your fear that gets in the way, think again. Your family network can be a valuable resource if handled well. We are usually in some form of constant communication with our family so, again depending on the situation, it can be an easy ask.
In some ways our family knows us better than anyone else so they may have not just a deeper commitment to help you but also a deeper understanding of your needs. And if your family happens to work in a broad range of industries or live in various locations, it can be a great way to expand your network. The potential awkwardness of the conversation is real, however, so here are some pointers to help you tap into your family connections without being annoying or pressuring them.
First, decide who to ask for help and when. Per the criteria above, if you have family members who are negative, who don’t agree with you changing careers, or disagree with the job you are interested in pursuing, or there is tension present in the relationship, consider whether they would really be helpful to your search. If they are one of the best possible connections you have to an industry you’re excited about, you could consider having an honest conversation with them about the situation to clear the air. If not, consider whether you really want them involved. And even if the relationship is a positive one, proceed slowly and professionally with them.
Decide not just whether you want to ask them for help but also what you’re comfortable asking for help with, and what they may be comfortable providing. If it’s general job searching advice, great. If it’s an introduction to a friend they know well, that’s probably OK, too. Be mindful of what you’re asking, and that it’s not too much. And give them an out to let them know if your request isn’t comfortable for them, it won’t strain the personal side of the relationship. This is where you want to be careful.
[See: 8 Things That Are More Productive Than Staring at a Job Board.]
Communicate thoughtfully and carefully, being open about your desire to preserve the familial relationship you have with them first. Also, consider when and how to ask. Don’t ask them at the family dinner table if you think that will put them on the spot. Craft an email before calling them if you think they’ll need time to consider your request before answering. Bottom line: Be selective about who to ask, what to ask for and when to ask for it.
— Action tip: Don’t just shoot from the hip. Take 15 minutes to write down whom you’d like to ask, what you’d like to ask for and how to approach them.
Treat them well. This goes without saying of course; you shouldn’t just be nice to your family for a business connection. But after you’ve made your list, consider how you treat your family members, especially your extended family. Think back to your last family event: Did you go? Did you talk to everyone? Were you interested in hearing about their lives? If you answered no to any of these questions, consider how you can improve your relationship with your family.
For example, instead of a general conversation with your Uncle Bob on the way to play games with your cousins, take an interest in his biking business. You may discover that one of his clients is someone it would be worth scheduling an informational interview with. You would never know this piece of information if you hadn’t shown personal interest in your uncle. Showing a personal interest in your family not only helps you to feel closer to them, but it also makes it easier to ask them for help when it comes to networking, and they will be more willing to help you. The same goes for your in-law family.
— Action tip: Keep in mind the old adage, networking can happen anywhere. Taking an interest in your family members not only improves your relationship with them but can also serve you both very well if or when you need assistance with your career.
[See: 10 Things New Grads Can Do Right Now to Get a Job.]
Return the favor. Just like any other networking connection, family members are not a one-way street. If you have asked them for help, offer them assistance as well, and be prepared to help them when they need it. Perhaps you are in a position to offer a family discount, or your industry offers some other kind of benefit you could offer your family. Look for ways you can be helpful, as well (without abusing your position of course) and keep them in mind for assistance at all times.
— Action tip: If you know a family member is struggling with something, keep them in mind for assistance. If you are not as good at keeping tabs on what’s going on with your family members, or knowing how to offer them help, ask someone in your family who is to keep you up to date. I’ll admit, I am not always good at this. As a business owner and mother, I can get pretty busy and focused on what’s going on in my world. My mom, however, has this as a strength; she is the glue that keeps us together. She’s also very good at intuiting what might be helpful to someone. Find this person in your life to help keep that balance.
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Asking Your Family for Help With Your Job Search originally appeared on usnews.com
