We’ve passed the two-week mark of 2016 with 50 weeks to go.
On Jan. 1, each of us received the gift of 527,040 hours. This year, we’re getting a bonus of 1,440 minutes more, due to leap day on Feb. 29.
By the publication of this article, about 21,000 minutes will have passed. We cannot recover these minutes. Once spent, they’re gone. Forever.
Where have you spent your time so far?
How will you spend your time for the rest of the year? With over 500,000 minutes left, consider yourself the sole heir to a half-million dollars. Each dollar representing a minute will disappear quickly, unless you keep an eye on your inheritance and control how you spend it. Others may tempt you to spend your time (money) the way they choose, leaving you doing what they want instead of what you choose.
Watching too much TV? Do you really want to spend your precious time watching others earn their living?
Stuck at home as a caregiver? Feel trapped at times because you have so little time for you? Leverage your time and energy with periodic respites while using adult-day services, in-home care or residential care.
Unhappy? Already? The year has barely started! Surely, you can direct your precious time learning something new or doing something different to keep life interesting.
You Choose
Regardless of how you feel or what you believe, the truth is you choose how you spend your time.
Sure, there are times we feel trapped by our circumstances. Primary caregivers all too often feel constrained by too little time (and money) to take better care of themselves.
When my husband and I began caring for my late father who lived with dementia and was later diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, I began feeling trapped. As the weeks rolled into months and I was faced with too few options, my career took a back seat as my focus was on my father’s care. My husband and I were in our 30s, too young, we felt, to lose momentum in our own lives. Yet we made a commitment. I asked a lot of questions and then took advantage of adult-day services, in-home care and eventually, skilled-nursing care.
Life happens and we must weigh the costs and benefits of how we spend our precious moments. Soon, the end draws near and all we want is just a moment longer.
At First, We Didn’t See the Whole Picture
Like many other caregivers, we decided to care for my father without having a clue of what was in store for us.
Despite dementia, he was still managing fairly well. He required the kind of assistance someone might need while visiting another country; help with cultural customs and language. For him, it was a foreign land living with us in the High Desert of Southern California after 45 years in his Wisconsin home.
After reviewing his checking and savings accounts, certificate of deposit and stock certificates, we figured his assets were manageable. As his recently named fiduciary, I delved into his estate-related matters; the more I dug, the more confused I became. He left notes on scrap paper; one was to an attorney he retained to try and get back money owed to him by a family member. Despite his refusal to travel in order to have time to gather the proper paperwork to file his taxes, I received a notice from the IRS only to discover he had not filed taxes for several years. And if these issues (plus more) weren’t enough, the uncertainty caused by sibling conflicts added to my stress and sleepless nights.
This was supposed to be easy!
I lamented to my father’s elder-law attorney that there was too much to deal with. He listened patiently at first (he was earning about $250 an hour), and then he explained: Brenda, you picked up a grain of sand when you started caring for your father and ended up carrying the whole beach!
The attorney’s advice was pivotal!
He went on to acknowledge it would be difficult; that the legal, medical and financial burdens along with family conflict were barely visible on the horizon, when my husband and I opened our hearts to care for my father.
Boy, he wasn’t kidding!
Despite my father’s care and estate-related affairs occupying more of my time and energy, I felt empowered while holding that vision of a grain of sand and the whole beach.
I realized I had to change my expectations, because they no longer matched my reality. If there’s one thing my husband and I agree on, it’s our commitment to care for living beings once we bring them into our home. Our commitment was stretched after our third cat came into our home. She was a home wrecker, upsetting the other two, while destroying our drapes and furniture. She bit the hand that fed her. While friends suggested we put her out of our misery, we kept her until cancer claimed her life. More significantly, we made the choice to care for my father. Despite not having enough information initially, we had uprooted him from his home and he was feeling safe and well-cared for, despite how fast his dementia was progressing.
As the days turned into weeks and then months, our reality became job-juggling while caring for a disoriented, sometimes stubborn, incontinent man who was up at night because he could no longer tell the difference between night and day. Losing sleep, we started showing signs of caregiver dementia, which strikes most stressed-out, overwhelmed caregivers.
We only had so much energy to give in 24 hours and we grew desperate. We sought help from our community through adult-day services, a caregiver support group, in-home care and, lacking an assisted living community at the time, skilled-nursing care. In hindsight, we wisely leveraged our time and were able to give more to my father, who needed round-the-clock care, than if we had tried to do it all ourselves.
Answer these questions:
— What will I continue doing myself?
— How will I use resources to leverage my time?
— What will I do with the time I have after receiving help from others?
— What will I do for myself?
Take it one step at a time. Moderation will help you survive and thrive during the marathon that is caregiving. Set reasonable goals. A 10 percent improvement is better than aiming for 110 percent and then regretting that you didn’t do a thing. Make time to exercise the only body you’ll have in this life. If you didn’t do a thing last year, consider walking 10 minutes every other day. Each step you take is a step toward wisely spending your precious time. It’s not easy. Everyone who achieves this knows that it takes commitment, patience and disciplined, consistent effort.
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Caregivers: Spend Your Time Wisely This Year originally appeared on usnews.com
