Holiday gift-giving at the office can be a landmine. Do you give a gift to your boss? Do you have to buy gifts for all your co-workers? How about group gifts?
Here are answers to five of the most frequent questions about workplace gift-giving:
1. Do I have to give a gift to my boss? You absolutely do not need to give a gift to your boss — and what’s more, you shouldn’t.
There’s very clear etiquette on this, which says that gifts in a workplace should flow downward, not upward. That means gifts from bosses to employees are fine, but employees should not be expected to give gifts to those above them.
This rule is understandable when you think about the power dynamics in the boss-employee relationship. People shouldn’t feel obligated to purchase gifts for someone with power over their livelihood, and managers should never benefit from the power dynamic in that way.
2. What if everyone else in my office is giving gifts to the boss? Won’t I look bad if I don’t? This is a case of needing to know the culture of your workplace — and knowing your boss, too. A reasonable manager would never penalize someone, even subtly, for not giving her a gift at the holidays.
On the other hand, you might not have a reasonable manager. Know your own situation, and proceed accordingly. (But know that etiquette is on your side if you choose not to.)
3. What if I’m being pressured to chip in money for a group gift for the boss? You should never feel pressured into spending money you can’t afford or just don’t want to spend. It’s reasonable to say, “I’m sorry, I can’t participate this year” or “Unfortunately, my budget won’t allow it.”
Moreover, you’d probably be doing the rest of your co-workers a favor if you suggest foregoing a gift for the boss. Consider saying something like, “Most managers I’ve known have been uncomfortable receiving gifts for their team. Rather than putting her in an awkward position, maybe we could do a card instead, or just bring in treats for everyone to share.”
Chances are good that at least some of your co-workers will be relieved to have one less spending obligation at this time of year.
4. I’m a manager. How can I discourage employees from giving me gifts without being ungracious? The best time to address this is before any gift-giving occurs. At the start of the holiday season — especially if you’ve noticed upward gift-giving in your office in the past — it’s smart to say something like, “I know this is the season of office gift-giving, so I want to say preemptively that simply doing your jobs well is enough of a gift for me. I don’t believe anyone should have to give gifts to their boss, so please put that toward family and friends instead.”
If it’s too late for that or you receive a gift from an employee anyway, as long as it’s not something extravagantly expensive, you should accept it graciously. The point here isn’t to make people feel bad, which you will do if you refuse to accept a small gift on principle. Instead, the point is to ensure that your staff doesn’t feel obligated to use their money to buy you things.
5. What about giving gifts to co-workers? Different offices handle this differently, so again, this is a case of knowing your workplace. Some offices don’t do gift exchanges at all. Others do a “white elephant” exchange or secret Santa.
However your office handles this, it’s important to guard against creating obligations for people who might not have the budget (or inclination) to reciprocate. Smart offices find ways to provide outlets for gift-giving impulses while keeping them relatively restricted, like gift swaps where each person brings in a single gift, rather than having to do more than that. And it might be said that even smarter offices encourage people to focus their gift-giving outside of work.
If you do decide to give gifts to co-workers, keep in mind that food items (especially homemade baked goods) are often more appreciated and less expensive than tchotchkes and trinkets. Plus, they can simply be shared with the group, rather than getting into the politics of individual gift-giving.
If you’re determined to give gifts and don’t want to give food, be aware that some items that might be appropriate for family and friends can be overly intimate for co-workers. Perfumes, body and skin care products, political or religious items, pajamas (or — eek! — lingerie), advice books and jewelry are often too personal for the office.
And when in doubt, stick with cards. (Or cookies!)
Alison Green writes the popular Ask a Manager blog, where she dispenses advice on career, job search and management issues. She’s the author of “How to Get a Job: Secrets of a Hiring Manager,” co-author of “Managing to Change the World: The Nonprofit Manager’s Guide to Getting Results” and the former chief of staff of a successful nonprofit organization, where she oversaw day-to-day staff management.
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5 Questions About Office Gift-Giving — Answered originally appeared on usnews.com
