WASHINGTON – The video of Ray Rice punching his wife in an Atlantic City elevator provides an up close look at the complicated dynamics between an abuser and his victim and has helped pull the issue of domestic violence out of the shadows, says a blogger and abuse survivor.
Leslie Morgan Steiner, author of “Crazy Love,” a memoir of abusive love and domestic violence, tells WTOP she hopes the video and the Rices’ story will help more people understand the difficulties enveloping couples in abusive relationships.
“The reasons you stay are a really complicated. It has a lot of it has to do with denial. I didn’t know I was a battered wife,” Steiner says. “I thought I was a strong, smart woman in love with a troubled man.”
Victims feel both love and fear – two of the most powerful human emotions – for their abuser, she says.
“Her fear is just as legitimate as her love. It’s a really, potent and toxic combination of feelings,” Steiner says.
Steiner says she understands why the public would question Janay Rice for staying with a man who hit her and could hurt her again. But she says the better, but more difficult, question to ask is why would anyone beat a loved one.
“Although this is a terrible story, there is some hope here,” Steiner says.
The NFL and Raven’s reactions – suspending Rice and ending his contract – since the release of the video Monday serve as a warning to all men and abusers. “This country is finally going to be holding abusers accountable,” she says.
If you are a victim of domestic violence, or know someone who is, there are a number of places that offer assistance. Click here for resources.
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