Amy Hunter, wtop.com
WASHINGTON – Marie Tillman was at work when she found out her husband was dead. Several hectic hours followed, and it wasn’t until night when she had time to herself, alone in her bedroom.
That’s when she pulled out a letter he’d written her – a “Just in Case” letter.
“In the beginning, the words that he wrote – asking me to live – meant something different,” she says. “The notion of living was really about getting up in the morning and putting one foot in front of the other.
“Over time, it took on a much different meaning. Now, when I think about those words that he left for me, I think about my life, and the weight of it, and trying to make sure that I am living to the fullest.”
Pat Tillman was 27 when he was killed by friendly fire in Afghanistan on April 22, 2004. It was his second deployment in two years. He was an NFL football player with the Arizona Cardinals when he turned down a $3.6 million contract to enlist with his brother eight months after the Sept. 11 attacks.
Marie was his high school sweetheart.
Before he left for Afghanistan, Pat Tillman quietly left a letter on the couple’s dresser, his wife says. He didn’t tell her what it was and they never spoke about it, but she knew.
In the immediate aftermath of his death and in the eight years since, Marie Tillman has gone back to the letter countless times, and says it was one of the greatest gifts he could have left her.
“I had no idea when I first opened the letter how much it would have an impact on me, and continue to have an impact,” she says. “I’m not sure if he knew what he was doing when he left it, but it was something that was so vital in my healing.
“I just wanted to be able to share that with people and have that same gift out there for other people.”
Marie Tillman is the president of the Pat Tillman Foundation, a nonprofit that raises money to provide scholarships and resources for active servicemen, veterans and their spouses. Last month, she published a book about the letter and launched a corresponding website, justincaseletter.com, where others can leave letters for loved ones.
On the site, the user chooses between various tools to create a letter with the look they want. There are different backgrounds, writing styles and utensils. From there, the user simply writes. They can choose to publish their letter or keep them private, supplying a password to selected loved ones who can then access the letter if the situation warrants.
The site offers advice on what to say, instructing users that their words don’t necessarily have to be sad. Funny stories, happy memories and simple thoughts are fine.
Just in case letters are nothing new, Tillman says. Historical letters written from wars past are posted on the site for all to see. But while such letters have traditionally been associated with soldiers leaving for war, Tillman hopes to reach a larger audience.
“I want to speak to people who maybe wouldn’t think of this in their everyday life,” she says. “I think that it’s such a great gift and something that anybody could do.”
Tillman won’t say exactly what her husband wrote in his letter. She’d like to keep that private. But the gist of it, she says, was that he asked she live.
She keeps the letter in a shoebox in her closet, along with all the letters the couple exchanged while Pat Tillman was alive.
“I don’t read the entire letter as often as I used to. But to be able to hear from him, and have him urge me to move forward, and have that reassurance when I was having difficult times in my life and having difficulty moving forward and feeling guilty about it, as I took those steps being able to say, ‘This is really what he wanted me to do with my life.'”
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