There’s no place like work for the holidays?
When Brad Farmerie started cooking professionally in 1995, he stopped something else: spending the holidays with family. “I spent my holidays with the crew in the kitchen,” remembers Farmerie, executive chef of AvroKO Hospitality Group, which operates seven New York City restaurants and bars. Some doctors, flight attendants, hotel cleaning crews and others must work through the holiday season — a tough break if it conflicts with their family values, says Satoris (Tori) Culbertson, an associate professor at the University of Portland, where she studies work-family issues. Still, if you must punch in this season, there are ways to make the season bright. Just follow these expert tips:
1. Admit it.
Kristen Dieffenbach, an associate professor at West Virginia University’s College of Physical Activity and Sports Sciences, has seen student athletes shed a few tears if their training or playing schedule keeps them away from home for the holidays. “Everyone else is home … and you’re not there,” she says. “Add that to the stress of being a college student and that can make it a pretty challenging time.” But letting it out — whether by crying, journaling or venting — is healthy, says Dieffenbach, also an executive board member of the Association for Applied Sport Psychology. “Don’t be afraid of that feeling of sad,” she says. “The question is: What do you do with it?”
2. Speak up.
One thing to do with it is share how you’re feeling — or how you expect to feel — with people who can support you if and when you feel down. “Don’t be afraid to let people know,” says Dieffenbach, who suggests asking a friend to call you at random times or scheduling video chat sessions with family. How loved ones react to your absence matters, too, she says. “When the family puts pressure on or expresses that intense sadness, it can be that [added] layer of obligation or guilt,” Dieffenbach says. Ideally, your family will let you know that you’re missed, while still supporting the duty that keeps you away.
3. Get specific.
If you could sum up the holidays in three words, what would they be? Whether you say “turkey,” “presents” or “sleeping in,” identify what it is exactly that you’ll miss — and then find ways to incorporate them into the season, suggests Jen Bunk, a tech leadership coach near Boston with a doctorate in industrial-organizational psychology. If “family” is one of your words, for instance, plan a visit later in the year. If it’s baking you’ll miss, make a date with the kitchen in your home away from home. “We can still have family, food and fun — it just might not be on the same day,” Bunk says.
4. Redefine ‘family.’
For some professionals, working over the holidays is a team effort. In that case, celebrating the holidays can be a team effort, too, even if it’s in an unconventional way. Dieffenbach, for example, has seen coaches begin caroling competitions among their players and seen team members decorate locker rooms. “They have surrogate family, and that’s a very powerful force in the athletic world,” she says. It’s true in the restaurant business, too, says Farmerie, who celebrates Thanksgiving with his staff the day before the calendar holiday. “I’m lucky that the business that we have built allows me to surround myself with people who … have become my extended family,” he says.
5. Be flexible.
Last year, Bunk’s family held one Christmas celebration in March in order to accommodate everyone’s schedules in her extended family. “My 7-year-old son loved that,” she says. Farmerie also holds his restaurant holiday party in February. “Just because you can’t celebrate when the world dictates that you celebrate doesn’t mean you can’t share a special moment at a different time or place,” he says. As Bunk puts it: “As much as traditions can be a really nice anchor … don’t let those traditions be a shackle.”
6. Integrate.
When Jeremy Lyman co-founded Birch Coffee, a chain of now-eight (and counting) coffee shops in New York City, the store stayed open on Christmas Day. But Lyman didn’t miss his mom; instead, he asked her if she wanted to work with him. “She jumped at it,” Lyman recalls. “I think it was getting to spend the day with me that sold her more than the few tips we brought in.” Other people may find that, if possible, merging work and family lives more this season — say, by bringing their children to work or taking personal calls during the workday — can help ease the feeling of missing out, Culbertson says.
7. Find the silver lining.
Even if you hate your job, you’re doing it for a reason — to put food on the table, fund your passion project or demonstrate a good work ethic to your children. Keeping those priorities front and center can help turn a pity party into a sense of appreciation, Culbertson says. “Think about the positives,” she says. “How is this benefiting your loved ones?” The fact that you want to be around your family is reason enough to be grateful. “Maybe the reason we’re not around them is because we’re having a livelihood and we’re capable of working,” Culbertson says, “and it could be for far worse reasons.”
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7 Healthy Ways to Deal With Working Over the Holidays originally appeared on usnews.com
