I come here not to praise “Beverly Hills, 90210,” nor bury it. The show gave me endless hours of entertainment during the 1990s as I went from socially awkward college student to underachieving professional over a ten-year span.
It’s been a long time since “Nine-Oh” — what a few of us called it back in the day when it was airing new shows on FOX while rerunning from 4 p.m. to 6 p.m. on FX.
Now it’s back. Kind of. In a way. “BH 90210” debuts Wednesday night on FOX.
This summer’s reboot isn’t just about the further adventures of Brandon Walsh (last we heard he was working in Washington for a paper like The Post) and Kelly Taylor (I’m bracing for the trauma her character will endure this time).
There was already a previous reboot on FOX last decade that had a few appearances from original cast members — Jennie Garth, Shannen Doherty and Tori Spelling each showed up — but dealt with new characters for the most part.
This edition will feature the original cast, only it’s going to pull the curtain back and let the audience reconnect with the actors as actors, playing heightened versions of themselves in a storyline revolving around a 30th anniversary fan convention.
Not only have I not cared for the last 20 years about how Steve Sanders turned out, I have also given little or no thought to what Ian Ziering is up to. I’m sure he’s a great guy; I’ve just moved on.
I guess you could say that when “Nine-Oh” was on, I loved watching it not because it was good — there were more than a few ambitious attempts at quality drama — but I enjoyed watching it because it could be unbelievably bad.
There were plenty of highs and lows and I enjoyed every minute of it, even when the show was running on fumes over the last few seasons (some say the final year and a half while others claim the last four seasons were unwatchable).
When I find a TV show to lock into, I’m there until the bitter end, which is usually bitter from “How I Met Your Mother” to “24” to “Dallas” to “Happy Day.” But for a while it was fun to escape from my troubles by slipping into a booth at the Peach Pit and see what the cool kids of West Beverly (later California University and beyond) were up to.
Five Favorite Episodes
1) “Spring Dance” (Season One)
After being rebranded from “Beverly Hills High School” in the pilot (the guy who played Ferris Bueller’s dad was the original Jim Walsh) and a message-heavy first season that included episodes about bulimia, alcoholism and suicide (Matthew Perry in a guest spot), the kids decide to go all-out for the prom.
Breakout star Dylan McKay (played by the late Luke Perry, who was truly the straw that stirred the drink on this show) and goody-two-shoes Brenda Walsh decide to have sex in the hotel where the prom is being held. Characters squabble over teen stuff while Andrea imagines going on a killing spree. David Silver dances up a storm and at the end everybody’s happy to be friends. I think this was repeated at the end of “Mean Girls,” though I could be wrong.
2) “The Next 50 Years” (Season Two)
Rumor has it that actor Douglas Emerson, who played awkward freshman Scott Scanlon, had just purchased a Saab when he was told his character was going to be “transitioned” from main to recurring cast. While the show caught fire by airing a summer season, Scott was shipped off to Oklahoma where he returned wearing a cowboy hat and had a gun fixation. During a “very special” episode that fall, Scanlon shot himself while twirling a gun after his birthday party (yes, that was the script). The kids deal with grief as only a TV show clique can. Major props to Brian Austin Green in this episode as David Silver, who ditched his best friend to hang out with the cool kids that fall.
3) “Something in the Air” (Season Three)
Wouldn’t you know it? Donna Martin (Tori Spelling) didn’t eat anything the day of the senior prom so she could fit into her dress. And wouldn’t you know she was given champagne at a pregame party hosted by David Silver’s dad (more on that later). And wouldn’t you know she’d get caught drunk by the principal and suspended from school.
Thank goodness for Brandon Walsh and the gang who staged a walkout from final exams and chanted, “Donna Martin graduates!” at Donna’s hearing with the school board. And wouldn’t you know it, Donna gets reinstated and all is back to normal. I want to say something just like this happened in Bethesda a few years ago.
4) “What I Did on My Summer Vacation and Other Stories” (Season Five)
How do you replace one of your lead actors? During freshman year at California University, the entire gang attended yet dealt with different storylines, from Steve Sanders joining the KEG house to Andrea becoming a mother.
Suddenly, Shannen Doherty left the show and the producers replaced her with Tiffani-Amber Thiessen as Valerie Malone, a seemingly sweet girl from Buffalo but deep down a schemer extraordinaire. Valerie’s addition gave the show a much-needed shot in the arm. She’d provide a great counterpoint to Kelly Taylor and the rest of the gang over the next three seasons. Much better than Ted McGinley.
5) “One Wedding and a Funeral” (Season Six)
Luke Perry had one foot out the door after five years at the Peach Pit, and he brought it in his final storyline where Dylan pursued the man who seemingly killed his father, only to fall in love for the mobster’s daughter. They get married after a whirlwind courtship, Daddy Mobster orders a hit on the groom, and in a twist you could see coming two episodes away, it’s Dylan’s wife who gets shot instead.
Regardless, it was a gripping exit for Dylan and Perry. Sadly, his storyline distracted from multiple developments on the show: abusive boyfriend Ray Pruit sticking around; Steve and Clare as a couple; Kelly’s new bad-news boyfriend; Valerie’s latest schemes backfiring; and how does Brandon basically walk onto the school paper and become editor within a week? Once the sideburns left the Zip code, “Nine-Oh!” became “Nine … oh.”
After season six, I would skip weeks at a time and watch again only to grimace. But never fear, there were other “standard” shows that seemed to repeat:
Five Consistent Tropes
1) Walsh Open House for the Holiday
Poor Jim and Cindy Walsh. In the early seasons, it always seemed like their home became a gathering for Thanksgiving and Christmas celebrations; you know, the kind of things you want to share with your immediate family and not a homeless guy your son met on the beach (actual episode). Lessons were learned and hugs were handed out after at least one explosion at the table (not to mention David Silver’s mom cooking the turkey upside-down). We laughed, cried and left the episode thankful that our real-life friends observed holiday boundaries.
2) Recycled Roadtrips
Nothing like leaving town to find yourself during a tough time at the holidays. At one point, Steve bolted to find his real mother, and while the ending was bittersweet, the episode “A Walsh Family Christmas” served its purpose. Cue up season three’s “Wild Horses” where Dylan departs after being accused of cheating on his SATs only to learn some life lesson. Naturally as the first-billed actor, Jason Priestley’s Brandon Walsh gets two episodes in season four (“radar Love”/”Emily”) after he’s blackmailed into helping a college basketball cheat because it appears as if he’s having an affair with a professor’s wife.
3) Breaking Bad in Beverly
“90210” was notorious for adding characters who would seem nice at first, only to have them go off the rails at the end of the actor’s contract. Emily Valentine went from cool biker girl to the kid who almost lit a float on fire. Ray Pruit went from sensitive blue-collar guitarist to abusive boyfriend. Joe Bradley went from sensitive quarterback to jealous dude after Donna showed skin in a video. Colin went from artistic boyfriend to getting Kelly hooked on drugs. Susan Keats (Andrea 2.0) dated Brandon but left him to work in the White House. And Mark Reese was a TV station manager who lost it after not getting a fellowship and Kelly.
4) Poor Parent Appears
Just when you thought the kids had issues (and they did), let’s look at the rogues gallery of parents. Dylan’s dad was an embezzling felon. David’s father cheated on each of his wives while his mom cooked turkey upside-down on Thanksgiving. Kelly’s mom was an addict who wound up marrying David’s dad while her father was arrested for embezzlement. Steve’s dad was hilariously obnoxious (played deliciously by the late Jed Allan). And Donna’s mom was snobby and pretentious when not cheating on Dr. Martin (but not after his first heart attack). A parent would show up in the first five minutes of an episode and you’d just know there would be a very bad life decision made by the end of the hour.
5) Redundant Recasts
What made the addition of Valerie Malone awesome was that she wasn’t a carbon copy of Brenda Walsh. Not so in future recasts. Dylan leaves? Let’s add Vincent Young as trust fund-rebel Noah. Valerie departs? Cue up Vanessa Marcil as Gina Kincaid, Donna’s cousin whose sweet figure skating front is betrayed by, yes, deviousness scheming. Brandon bolts for a newspaper job in D. C.? Let’s cast Daniel Cosgrove and make him a Brandonesque nice-guy lawyer Matt Durning. Durning also had a season ten flameout after a road trip while crashing at least one holiday celebration, so he could check most of the boxes.
After all of this, am I excited for the new reboot? Certainly not. Will I watch it? Probably, while simultaneously laughing at myself for doing so.
