‘We hide it, we cover it up’: DC nonprofit tackles stigma, shame of domestic violence in AAPI community

All throughout May, WTOP is marking Asian American and Pacific Islander Heritage Month with stories about the people and places shaping the D.C. region.

According to the Asian Pacific Institute on Gender Based Violence, up to 55% of Asian women in the U.S. have experienced some form of physical or sexual violence in their lifetime. That includes emotional, verbal, physical and economic abuse.

Domestic violence lawyer Becky Lee founded D.C. nonprofit Becky’s Fund in 2006, using the prize money she got after competing on the reality TV show “Survivor.” Becky’s Fund works to end domestic violence, and Lee said she wanted to be a voice for Asian American women.

“I think there’s a lot of that shame from living and growing up as an Asian, in terms of expectations of how we are perceived, and that pressure of making it in America and making your family proud,” she said.


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According to Lee, Asian and Pacific Islander women have a difficult time addressing domestic violence because of that shame and stigma. The survivors she’s worked with have also had language barriers, fear of deportation or no financial independence.

“I think one of the saddest things was often working with older Korean women in Virginia,” she said. The women would tell her, “I’m just waiting for this person to die because what am I going to do with my life when I leave? I don’t have a job.”

Lee also talked about women who live with their husbands’ families, and an anonymous survey of API survivors in D.C. that showed 24.5 % of women were abused by their in-laws.

“Anything that happens in our community that could leave a stain — we hide it, we cover it up,” she said.

She emphasized the power of storytelling and speaking up. She said survivors should know they’re not alone, and abuse is not their fault.

“I think a big part of that is being able to share our voices and share our truth,” Lee said. “Shame thrives in secrecy.”

If you or someone you know needs help, Becky’s Fund has resources on its website.

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