Neal Augenstein is bummed about beachwear

You may want to avoid Neal\'s Rehoboth Beach swimsuit look, circa 1985. (WTOP)
Leaving a bad bathing suit impression

wtopstaff | November 14, 2014 7:40 am

Editor’s Note: The following is a first-person account in which WTOP’s Neal Augenstein ponders a new swimsuit for his middle-aged beach body.

WASHINGTON – With the unofficial start of summer comes the realization that it’s bathing suit season again.

Rats.

I’m sure there are some people who look forward to wearing, and being seen, in a bathing suit. I’m not one of them.

Taking inventory of suits tucked away last year, it’s time to determine whether trends (or more likely my waist measurement) have changed enough to require buying new swimwear.

I understand women take comfort in Miraclesuit, which claims to make you “look 10 lbs. lighter in 10 seconds” through the magic of spandex, along with the “figure flattering use of prints and strategic use of shirring and draping.”

I’m not sure whether I should be insulted or encouraged that my wife told me she’s heard there’s now a suit that does the same thing for men in trunks. Furious Googling still has not turned up that male miracle.

Ironically, in my teens and 20s, I hated wearing bathing suits because I thought I was too skinny.

Now, wielding a 50-ish gut, there’s a different reason to dread the suit.

Still, despite not having a new body for this summer, a new bathing suit couldn’t hurt.

The fashion experts at Esquire suggest shopping for a suit with bold patterns — maybe stripes or paisley.

Apparently, men’s trunks also are a bit shorter this year than the “board shorts” that reach to a man’s knees.

And most agree that Speedos look best on teenagers and competitive swimmers.

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(Copyright 2012 by WTOP. All Rights Reserved.)


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