If it feels like school shootings are occurring more frequently than ever before, you’re not wrong. Since the Columbine High School shooting in 1999, nearly 400,000 students have experienced gun violence at school, according to new data.
This frequency can make everyone feel on edge, especially children who are in school.
“Kids who have experienced school lockdowns aren’t just scared in the moment. They are more anxious, more stressed, and they feel it physically too — for months after the lockdown,” says Carla C. Allan, a psychologist at Phoenix Children’s.
Most parents and students alike exercise what some mental health experts call “functional denial.”
“We all often say, ‘Well, that’s not going to happen here,’ until it does,” says Jeff Gorter, a licensed clinical social worker and vice president of clinical crisis response at R3 Continuum. “It’s when an event, for whatever reason, breaks through our protective shield and makes it personal.”
Two main factors influence how people are affected by these types of traumatic events:
— Proximity. Whether a shooting occurs in the same town, city or state.
— Age. The age of the victim often influences how deeply they will be affected. For parents, when a tragedy involves children close in age to your own, it can heighten feelings of fear and vulnerability.
In some cases, for parents who lived through a school shooting themselves and now have kids reaching school age, they may find those memories resurfacing, which can amplify their emotional response.
Learn how school shootings can affect everyone’s emotional and mental well-being, plus ways to cope and process those emotions.
[READ How to Help Someone With PTSD]
How School Shootings Affect Mental Health
The psychological impact of school shootings spares no one.
“It’s only natural that when children hear about others their age being shot or experiencing violence in schools or their communities, they can be deeply shaken,” says Crystal Garrant, chief program officer at Sandy Hook Promise. “In fact, a young person’s chronic absenteeism may stem from fear of going to school.”
Here’s how school shootings affect kids and parents, according to experts.
Kids and teens
Children and adolescents are like sponges; they absorb and retain information and harbor experiences from traumatic events.
“Children process trauma differently than adults — often through behavior rather than words,” Allan says. “What looks like defiance or withdrawal may be fear, anxiety or depression.”
A small 2023 survey by Sandy Hook Promise revealed that 60% of its youth advisory board self-reported they felt scared or worried at the thought of a school shooting. Some other ways news about school shootings, or having experienced one, can affect a child or teen’s mental health include:
— Clingier behavior around parents; refusal to go to school
— Feelings of hopelessness
— Feeling numb or detached
— Changes in appetite (not eating as much)
— Issues with emotional regulation
— Difficulty focusing
— Temper tantrums
— Issues sleeping through the night
— Nightmares
Adults with kids in school
“For parents, any perceived threat to their child often activates their protective instinct,” Gorter says. “This can also include reflections of a commonly reported struggle with self-doubt and second guessing — ‘Should I have done more? Did I fail somehow as a parent?’ It’s important to know that this type of false guilt is usually not fact-based and is particularly demoralizing.”
When a parent learns about a school shooting, it’s common for them to experience:
— Feeling overwhelmed
— Shock
— Constant state of fear
— Prolonged grief for victims (and their families)
— Anger
— Anxiety
— Hypervigilance
— Overcontrolling tendencies
— Depression
[Read: EMDR Therapy: How It Works for PTSD and Other Trauma]
Tips to Protect Kids and Parents’ Mental Well-Being
Even though it can feel like every move we make carries some risk — and that no place, not even a school, feels truly safe — living in constant fear isn’t sustainable.
Experts say there are ways for both kids and parents to find peace of mind and learn how to process and talk about school shootings in a healthy, constructive way. These tips include:
1. Put time limits on media devices
Parents should consider limiting their kids’ exposure to media coverage of a school shooting incident. “We don’t want to ignore it or pretend that it didn’t happen, but prolonged exposure to coverage of the event can lead to more symptoms of distress,” says Dr. Sabrina Browne, a psychiatrist at UT Southwestern’s O’Donnell Brain Institute.
Protecting your mental health while using your smartphone and other media devices is important. The same advice can be applied to adults with children in school and anyone consuming real-time news updates.
“Give yourself media breaks, and plan other activities so your family and peers can connect through conversation and laughs,” Garrant says.
2. Have open conversations about the tragic event
Acknowledging something horrible happened is better than pretending like everything is okay. This entails asking how your child is doing and processing the news.
“After a school shooting, it’s important for parents to check in often, listen without rushing to reassure and validate their child’s emotions, even when they don’t fully understand them,” Allan says.
The goal here is to make sure the child feels supported, safe and heard.
“Have regular check-ins, and ask them open-ended questions,” Garrant says. “Let them guide the conversation, as adults usually have different fears than they do.”
3. Validate their feelings and provide creative outlets
If your child confides in you about feeling afraid or saddened by the news, it’s imperative to acknowledge those feelings and empathize with them. Offering engaging coping strategies can also help them process those overwhelming feelings, instead of having them sit with them.
“Find ways to engage children and teens in creative outlets,” Garrant says. “Activities — like art, music, cooking and building things — can provide learning opportunities, while also offering an outlet to decompress and strengthen additional skills.”
4. Maintain daily routines
Both children and adults benefit from sticking to consistent schedules, such as regular bedtimes and wake times, even in the midst of tragedy, Browne says. It’s important to hold on to those comforting routines while processing difficult news.
Prioritize your own work, obligations and self-care as an adult.
5. Stay connected to your community
Reach out to your support system.
“Feelings of connection and community are among the most powerful protective factors we have following a traumatic event,” Browne says.
Apart from social hangouts, you can also consider volunteering in your community.
“Helping others can redirect our focus and provide a sense of meaning and connectedness,” she explains.
6. Don’t be afraid to ask for help
Whether you’re a parent, a child or simply someone trying to process what feels like a constant stream of tragic news, everyone can benefit from talking to someone. In some cases, exploring additional forms of support, such as therapy or medication, may also help.
“When children or parents face mental health challenges that impact daily life, psychotherapy can help them develop coping skills to manage anxiety, depression and trauma,” says Allan.
Contact your health care provider or a mental health professional — such as a psychiatrist, psychologist or therapist — if your fears or sadness around a school shooting are becoming all-consuming and inhibiting you from doing daily tasks.
Available Resources
There’s no shortage of resources out there that can help you and your child process the news of a school shooting as well as prepare you for how to respond to one.
Sandy Hook Promise offers a wide range of free digital tools and resources for parents, educators and youth. In addition to these materials, specific organizations — like these ones below — provide further information and support networks.
— Save the Children: 5 Tips for How to Talk to Children About School Shootings
— Child Mind Institute: How to Talk to Kids About School Shootings and Helping Kids Cope With Frightening News (Spanish and English resources available for both)
— CommonSense Media: How to Talk to Kids About Violence, Crime, War and Tragedy
— National Child Traumatic Stress Network: For additional school shooting and mass violence resources
— Mental Health America: Offers an exhaustive list of resources for kids and adults coping with mass gun violence
— Everytown for Gun Safety: An online resource that provides the opportunity to support, educate and get involved directly
— Centers For Disease Control and Prevention: Refer to the agency’s Firearm Injury and Death Prevention page for additional data and resources.
“Together we can help ourselves and our children process, heal and find hope after acts of gun violence in our schools and communities,” Garrant says.
Keep in mind, if your child has unique needs or is taking medication to help regulate emotions following a shooting, don’t be afraid to reach out to school staff and share your concerns to make sure they’re supported there as well.
[READ: What to Do During a Mental Health Crisis]
Bottom Line
School shootings are becoming more frequent, and their impact on mental health is undeniable. But information is power: Understanding how exposure to tragic events can affect your emotional well-being is the first step toward getting the right care.
When in doubt, reach out to your health care provider or a mental health professional if you or your child aren’t feeling like yourselves and could use extra support.
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School Shootings: How to Protect Kids’ and Parents’ Mental Health originally appeared on usnews.com
