If you worry that you may not be doing right by your children, and then try to make amends with material things and expensive activities, you’re in the majority.
New research finds that most American parents struggle to balance satisfying their kids’ needs and their own financial parameters. According to results from a 2025 survey conducted by Ameriprise Financial, an astonishing 72% of parents report that guilt affects their family financial decisions.
However, such overspending can be counterproductive. Here’s what’s happening in many U.S. households and how you can achieve better emotional results without destabilizing your financial health.
Financial Decisions Based on Parental Guilt Are Common
Ameriprise Financial set out to understand where American parents stood with their money and parenting. Their researchers surveyed over 3,000 parents over 25 years old with at least one child aged newborn to 30.
The results are alarming. Nearly three-quarters of those who reported parental guilt took emotionally driven actions, many of which weren’t positive for their financial well-being. Forty-three percent said they overspent on an item or experience, and 33% did something that exceeded their budget parameters.
Paul Miller, certified public accountant and managing partner at Miller & Company LLP, calls it “buying the guilt away” and sees it regularly in his practice.
“Parents put themselves in financial duress by paying for unnecessary things because they think they should, even if they can’t afford it,” says Miller. “It can be anything. College tuition, buying them a car and spending on material objects for the kids to keep up with other kids. Next, they experience incredible remorse, then the bill comes.”
Such is the case for Mandi St. Germaine, a Schriever, Louisiana-based co-founder of the apparel brand MBS The Woman Beyond the Cape.
“As a mom, I definitely fell into the guilt-spending trap this year when two of my daughters hit milestone birthdays,” St. Germaine says.
“One daughter got concert tickets and another got a special trip. Before I knew it, I overspent on my third daughter to ‘even things out.’ She got a shopping spree that, in reality, didn’t actually ease the guilt; it just added stress to our budget,” she adds.
St. Germaine is taking steps to replenish their savings, including sitting her girls down and explaining that these big, pricey moments are not the norm.
“We talked about the value of working toward things, saving and how special experiences mean more when they’re earned,” she says. “It was a hard but important reminder for me, too. Guilt doesn’t make the spending worthwhile, but real conversations about money do.”
[Related:How to Talk About Money With Family — And Why It’s Important]
Why Parents Feel Guilty and Why Overspending Won’t Help
One of the most striking results of the Ameriprise survey concerned the quest for perfection. More than four in 10 parents said their biggest financial stress is the pressure to give their children the best today and over the long term, and 35% put pressure on themselves to be the perfect parent.
In an email interview about the study, Deana Healy, vice president of financial planning and advice for Ameriprise Financial, says it was not surprising that parents strive to give their children great things and experiences.
“With most feeling pressure to be the ‘perfect parent,’ it’s understandable that many are second-guessing if they’re making the right choices,” she says.
It’s important to remember that although these aspirations are common, Jeff Ditzell, a New York City-based psychiatrist, says they are far from healthy.
“Baby boomers especially grew up wanting their kids to have more than what they had,” says Ditzell. “If they struggled, they wanted to make their kids’ lives easier, so they worked more and became overbusy. Now it has become culturally acceptable.”
However, not spending quality time with children is the most common reason for parental guilt, says Ditzell. Then parents give their kids things to make up for the lost time.
Does it work? No, he says. It only gives kids an inaccurate value system and prevents them from learning how to overcome adversity on their own.
[Related:How to Save Money for Your Kids]
Parents Are Taking Control Over Their Kids Financial Education
Although many parents are overspending to mitigate guilt, there is also good news to report. The Ameriprise survey found that most parents actively teach their children about money. Seventy-six percent said they have opened savings accounts for their children, 68% encourage their kids to save for short-term goals and 61% take action to stop their children from spending money unwisely.
Jeannie Jacobs, a mom of an 11-year-old and a 14-year-old, is a retired physician and owner of a lifestyle brand. She lives in Houston, Texas, and gives generously to her kids, balancing it with real-life financial education.
“I tend to overindulge the kids if they do well in school,” Jacobs says.
“When they do, they’ll get extra stuff, money to save or spend on travel and clothing. But we don’t overspend on junk, and we put thought into it. My kids are looking at the stock market, and we talk about investing in stocks and small businesses. My husband and I made them employees of our small businesses. They know what our expenses are, where property taxes go and we bring them to the bank and (they) sit in the room with us,” she adds.
Jacobs avoids guilt spending because she has a relative who received too much without expectations or understanding and she observed bad results. “I want my kids to feel empowered, not entitled,” she says.
Miller, the CPA, agrees that cementing the work-for-money connection early in a child’s life is paramount. The Ameriprise survey found that 68% of parents pay their kids for chores and 55% pay them for good grades, which Miller celebrates.
“If parents just give kids money, they won’t learn how to earn it, and then they will have a challenging life,” he says. “Money should be used as a motivational tool, and not just a handout. There should be some expected performance, so they can learn to be responsible.”
[Read: How Much Does It Cost to Raise a Child?]
Explore Alternatives to Giving Cash and Gifts to Children
Giving cash and things to children won’t alleviate parental guilt, and it certainly won’t help the child, Ditzell says. If you do this, it’s time to shift into a different approach. Instead of a gift, figure out how to spend time with the kids, take walks, have dinner together and even have simple but regular conversations.
“That doesn’t mean you don’t give them anything,” he says. “You don’t have to be draconian. If you want to get something nice for them and you have the money, do it. Just make it a token of your affection, so it’s meaningful. But the point is, the best gift for your child is time. Pay attention to them so they know they’re important to you. There is no substitute.”
Honor your financial capabilities in the process, insists Miller, explaining that everybody should have a budget, savings and fun money to spend on the kids. Set expectations to ensure they know your financial bandwidth and that you won’t exceed your limits.
“It’s clear parents are feeling the weight of competing priorities and challenging trade-off decisions,” Healy, of Ameriprise Financial, says. “I’d advise parents to give themselves some grace. It’s OK to treat your children — and yourself — occasionally. It helps to clarify your financial priorities and be intentional with your spending to stay focused on what matters most to you and your family.”
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72% Feel So Much Parental Guilt They Overspend on Their Kids: How To Stop Overcompensating originally appeared on usnews.com
