As the mom of two sons, ages 4 and 11, I can attest to the difficulty of keeping children off screens. With my older one, I was able to hold off until 2 years old, eventually letting him watch slow-paced shows like “Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood,” “Max and Ruby” and “Tumble Leaf.” He didn’t know what he was missing until he became interested in video games later, which he now plays online with his friends.
My younger one has seen his older brother gaming, watching TV and using his iPad practically from birth. It’s been harder to keep him away from screens, so he started at a younger age, watching more older-kid content than he probably should.
As cute as it is to watch the two of them playing Mario Kart, I wonder what effects screens are having. Every parenting challenge has me wondering: Could it be the screens?
“Parents tell us the way this topic is often covered makes them feel guilty, like they are doing it all wrong,” says Jenny Radesky, a developmental behavioral pediatrician at University of Michigan Health C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital. “The parents I talk to say they are exhausted with trying to set limits around tech products that have the opposite agenda: keeping kids’ attention for longer and longer.”
What can parents do to fight the tide of technology?
“The goal isn’t to get rid of screen time, but rather to achieve greater balance,” says Jon Lasser, a psychologist at Texas State University and co-author of the book “Tech Generation.”
Follow these strategies to manage your children’s screen time and prevent problematic use in the first place.
[Read: How to Support a Child in Crisis]
Are Screens Bad for Kids?
Children’s screen time has been associated with, but has not been proven to cause:
— Physical health issues, such as obesity
— Developmental issues, including language and speech delays
— Cognitive and mental issues, like attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), behavioral problems, anxiety and depression
“(Some) studies can’t differentiate the chicken from the egg: Did difficult child behavior lead to more screen time, or vice versa?” Radesky says.
Longer-term studies have come closer to proving that screens may cause or worsen some of these issues.
“Longitudinal correlational studies have found clear links between more screen use and worse sleep, language delays and behavior problems in young children,” Radesky says.
Reducing screen use at bedtime has also been shown to lead to better sleep in teens.
In addition, brain imaging studies by Dr. John Hutton, a pediatrician and researcher at UT Southwestern Medical Center, showed less development in areas that support literacy and social skills in children who used more screens.
However, what’s most important is how screens influence your particular kid.
“At the end of the day, parents and caregivers want to know why their 12-year-old spends so much time in his room on his phone, isolated from family and friends in real life, and no longer engages in other activities,” Lasser says.
[READ: How Can I Find the Best Psychiatrist?]
What Is Screen Addiction?
The preferred term for screen addiction is “problematic digital media use,” which means an unhealthy relationship with screens.
It’s not currently an official clinical diagnosis, according to the American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic Statistical Manual (DSM-5-TR), but some types of digital media can produce a dopamine rush that feels good and leads kids to crave more, such as many video games and short-form videos on TikTok or Instagram.
“Those are just engines for ‘addiction,'” Hutton says. “You watch the 12th video and then another comes on, then another, and kids get hooked.”
[Read: How to Help Kids With Anxiety.]
Signs of Problematic Use of Screens
Instead of rushing to limit your child’s screen time, consider how it impacts their daily life. Signs screen use is problematic include:
— Interference with sleep, school or relationships
— Loss of interest in other activities
— Little interaction with others in person
— Inability to reduce screen time despite wanting to
— Emotional distress when not using devices
— Viewing risky content or risky online contact
— Only way of coping with emotions
— Frustration and anger when screen time is denied
— Declines in academic performance
Risk Factors
Certain kids are more susceptible to screen addiction than others.
“Genetic differences and how their brains are wired make some kids more likely to be ‘addicted,'” Hutton explains.
Risk factors include children who are:
— Risk takers
— Prone to anxiety or depression
— Diagnosed with ADHD (but screens also have benefits for neurodivergent children)
Managing Problematic Use of Screens
If you’re concerned that your child could have a screen addiction, don’t worry that it’s irreversible.
“The brain is always growing and changing, so it’s never too late,” Hutton says.
While treatment for addictions to drugs and alcohol is detox and abstinence, that’s not possible with screens.
“We all have to live with some forms of media,” Radesky says. “Therefore, treatment for problematic media use involves a broader set of strategies.”
Instead of threatening, coercing or punishing your child for too much screen time, try these more effective strategies:
1. Improving parent-child communication
Get curious about why your child replaced fun activities with screen time.
“When parents remain calm and engage kids in conversation, they are more likely to foster the kind of relationship that serves as a foundation for change,” Lasser says.
For example, “You used to play outside with your friends, but I haven’t seen you do that in a while. Is that something you miss?”
Discovering why your kid goes online can uncover offline struggles: Are they using social media or video games to escape stress or feel less lonely?
“Then, parents can help them find other ways of coping, finding connections and feeling a stronger sense of self and purpose,” Radesky says.
In addition, talking about what kids are doing online has been shown to reduce negative effects from screen use. Discussing their interests cultivates your relationship, and you can use the opportunity to talk about healthy media use.
2. Encouraging other activities
If they’re busy with other fun things, they’ll forget about their screen for a while.
“Engage kids in in-person activities incompatible with screen time that require the use of both hands, so devices are not part of the engagement,” Lasser says.
Activities to try include:
— Swimming
— Building with Legos
— Cooking together
“Even a five-minute dance party or a short walk can reset the mind and body,” media psychologist Jerri Lynn Hogg says.
3. Reducing screens gradually
Going cold turkey or making a radical shift leads to arguments and power struggles.
“Reduce screen time slowly rather than abruptly, replacing it with engaging alternatives,” Hogg says.
4. Expecting some resistance
Kids need to process changes in screen use, which might not go as smoothly as you’d like.
“It takes a while to break those habits. There are going to be a few days of angst you’ll have to work through,” Hutton says.
5. Collaborating with your kids to set screen limits
When kids are involved in creating rules, they’re more likely to abide by them.
“Be willing to compromise and show flexibility to model those qualities for your kids,” Lasser says.
You should follow the rules, too: No screens at mealtime means putting away your phone as well.
6. Scheduling tech-free times or places
Designate certain hours or spaces as screen-free zones, such as during meals, homework time or before bed. Hutton also recommends keeping screens out of kids’ bedrooms, where use is harder to monitor and could interfere with sleep.
7. Prioritizing basic needs
Ensure your child gets enough sleep, nutritious food, exercise and hydration.
“Research shows a balanced routine, including movement, rest and social interaction, supports mental health and can naturally reduce reliance on screens,” Hogg says.
8. Treating underlying challenges
If your child shows signs of anxiety, depression or ADHD, talk to your pediatrician or a psychologist.
Avoiding Problematic Use of Screens
An even better strategy is to prevent problematic screen use before it starts. Develop healthy screen habits by:
1. Not giving screens to babies and toddlers
At this age, their brain doesn’t get any value from watching a screen.
“If they’re presented with language through a screen, they just don’t get it and don’t learn much compared to a real-life human speaker,” Hutton says.
Hold off as long as you can.
2. Using slower moving and longer-form content
For preschoolers, Hutton suggests 30-minute episodes of prosocial shows with positive messages, such as “Sesame Street” or PBS Kids, instead of short videos.
“As kids get older, ironically watching a whole movie is better than watching a bunch of short videos in terms of that addictive effect,” Hutton says. “It provides the ability to immerse into a story and relate to characters.”
Other good choices are science shows, like National Geographic, and thoughtful series, such as Black-ish or The Good Place. Watch with them and discuss the movie or show together afterward.
3. Not using screens to calm your child
This prevents them from learning emotional self-regulation.
“It’s so tempting to hand the device over because screens are very effective at calming kids down, but it gets in the way of developing the ability to calm themselves down,” Hutton says.
4. Modeling healthy screen habits
If you’re always on your phone, your child will notice.
“When parents are with the child at the park and they get their phone out, kids pay attention and then tend to be more distracted, too. Try to focus on the moment and be more mindful,” Hutton says.
5. Knowing what media your kids are consuming
Set parental controls on devices, and talk to your child about avoiding media that triggers compulsive or unhealthy use, such as:
— Video games with loot boxes or habit-forming designs
— Social media platforms focused on appearance
— Games and social media that want more of your kids’ time and money
— Content that’s not age-appropriate or safe
6. Sharing examples of your screen activities
Explaining your own digital media choices helps children learn healthy screen use.
“It’s also OK to share aloud your own struggles with screens, for example, ‘I really feel the urge to look at my work emails now, but I’d rather spend time playing with you,'” Lasser says.
Bottom Line
Screens are part of our daily lives, so the goal for our kids’ use (and our own) should be a balance of screen time with other daily activities, rather than elimination.
“Talk with your children about the role of technology in your family, its benefits and the importance of unplugging at times,” Hogg says. “It is not just about focusing on the screen time, but about living a life of meaningful experiences both on and off the screen.”
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