Moving to a new home can seem simple in the abstract — you just have to pack, get everything in the moving truck and unpack in your new place.
But we all know it’s not so simple. Packing always takes longer than expected, requires more boxes, you have to go through the process of closing utility accounts and opening new ones and even on that last day, you’ll discover a drawer, cabinet or closet you missed that somehow holds both the most useless and most important items to your life. And you still have to find a space for everything in your new home.
“Even under the best circumstances — you’ve hired professional movers and you’re excited about where you’re moving — it’s still so stressful,” says Melody Warnick, author of “This Is Where You Belong” and “If You Could Live Anywhere,” in Blacksburg, Virginia.
The stress and anxiety surrounding your move to a new home can leave you sleep deprived, distracted from other tasks and unwilling to take proactive steps that can help in the process of getting yourself and all your belongings from one place to the next.
We’re breaking down why you’re so stressed about your move, some of the larger issues that may come with moving to a new home and how to help ease that anxiety both during and after your move:
— Why is moving stressful?
— Moving anxiety vs. relocation depression.
— How to ease stress when planning your move.
— The remedy for lingering moving stress and anxiety: finding your community.
Why Is Moving Stressful?
If the building anxiety or stress from an upcoming move has you feeling like you’re not handling the change well, take comfort in the fact that the feeling is pretty universal.
“The thing about anxiety is we often want to have this element of control, we want to have this element of predictability, and start to finish, the moving process is outside that,” says Lauren Cook, a clinical psychologist based in California.
Average stress after a move is higher than before, according to a study published in Urban Science in October 2022 titled “Measuring the Stress of Moving Homes,” by Ka-Shing Cheung and David Wong of the Department of Property at the University of Auckland. The study examined stress levels of individuals between the ages of 19 and 54 living in urban Auckland, New Zealand, between 2013 and 2018.
The study found that those who moved more than once in the five-year period experienced higher stress levels than those who only moved once. Stress levels appeared higher in subjects experiencing housing insecurity, which also makes them predisposed to more frequent moving events. “While acute stresses seem to result in one-off movements, chronic stresses result in more frequent movement,” Cheung and Wong said in the study.
[Read: What Is Affordable Housing?]
Whether this is your first move in many years or the second in a year, the stress you feel in the lead-up to moving day and after is very real, and can make the entire process feel more difficult.
“Moving to a new place and everything becomes harder. You don’t know your way around, everything in your house is in a different place,” Warnick says. “And all the things that used to be automatic — how to get to the grocery store, and things like that — take more time and thought.”
Moving Anxiety vs. Relocation Depression
Moving can take a toll on anyone’s mental health, but at times it can manifest differently from stress or anxiety as relocation depression instead.
Often in a move to a new city, or even a new neighborhood where you don’t know anyone, “it’s hard for us to be in a totally new space, meet new people, get out there,” Cook says.
As a result, symptoms of relocation depression include social isolation, a sense of apathy toward meeting new people and a loss of interest in hobbies or activities, Cook explains.
“Now neighbors don’t know who you are, people don’t know to look out for you and you don’t feel important in your space,” Cook says.
There isn’t a specific reason a person may endure relocation depression as opposed to a milder and dissipating moving anxiety, but it could be related to other struggles with depression. “Somebody may have already been depressed before the move, but then making the move it gets worse because you lose that community,” Cook says.
If you aren’t sure if you’re experiencing short-term moving anxiety or relocation depression, Cook says to take stock of how you’ve felt over time: “With relocation depression, it amplifies over time, so kind of the opposite of the moving anxiety.”
Talking to a professional can help you better identify how your stressors are contributing to the state of your mental health and the best course of action. From a general standpoint, however, working hard to establish yourself in your new community is a valuable part of emerging from relocation depression. Read more about finding your community.
[What to Do When You Bought a Home With Problems Not Disclosed]
How to Ease Stress When Planning Your Move
Very few people are going to get through a move without experiencing some stress or anxiety, whether it’s from packing left to the last minute or worrying that the moving truck will make it across the country with all your belongings intact.
While you likely won’t be able to eliminate all stress from your move, there are some things you can do to help make the process easier:
— Expect stress eventually. Even if you feel fine — or downright excited, even — ahead of your move, expect stress or anxiety to bubble up at some point. The better prepared you are for it, the better equipped you’ll be to handle it. “It takes people by surprise — they underestimate the toll (moving) does take on their psyche,” Cook says.
— Plan in advance. As soon as you know you’ll be moving and have at least a rough estimate of when, start the planning process. Gather moving supplies like tape, boxes, packing paper and bubble wrap. Reserve a rental truck if you’re doing a DIY move, or get estimates from professional moving companies. Make a list of everything you need to do to prepare for the move, from switching your address with the U.S. Postal Service to setting up your utilities.
— Welcome help, when possible. You do not have to take on the stress of an entire move yourself; allow others to help you out. That help may come in the form of letting your spouse take on more of the logistical planning for the move, or hiring additional labor to help load the truck on moving day. When you’re struggling, let someone know.
— Get excited about your new home. “Find the thing that will make you excited,” Warnick says. “Sometimes you’re moving because you chose the community and this is the place you want to be, and sometimes you’re moving because you got a job there and you’re not sure about it.” The initial thing that makes you excited can be small, like trying out an ice cream shop or getting your library card as a new resident. Add small items or tasks to your list that gets you looking forward to those first days in your new home. “Make a bucket list for your community that, ideally, bring joy,” Warnick says.
— Assert yourself. Moving out of one home and into another requires a lot of decisions, and they’re not always easy — or cheap. Cook says to take frequent notes to help you remember your thought process on decisions, like working with a contractor, and to stand your ground on decisions you feel are right. “Don’t just nod your head and go along with it for the sake of pleasing others, you’re going to be living in this property,” Cook says.
— Get out in the community early. “When you move someplace, you really need to push yourself to build community, whether it’s a meetup group or — I’m a fan of ClassPass — to get out there and try different workout classes,” Cook says.
The Remedy for Lingering Moving Stress and Anxiety: Finding Your Community
Once you’ve unpacked most of your boxes and have confirmed you have water and heat at your new home, a lot of your anxiety over moving may disappear. “The logistical stuff is challenging, but that goes away pretty quickly,” Warnick says. But not all worries are so fast to leave.
Especially if you’ve moved to a new city, state, country or even a part of town that you’re unfamiliar with, you may not quite feel at home yet.
As she discusses in her book, “This Is Where You Belong,” Warnick says getting out into your new community is a key part of making it feel like yours, and you should do so early.
“The first few months after a move are going to feel lonely. And it’s going to be peak disaster period, (feeling) like this is the worst decision in our lives,” Warnick says.
She recommends signing up for formal classes or groups in areas of interest to you — a ballroom dancing class, cooking class or book club put on by a local bookstore, for example.
If you can find a group specifically for people new to the area, even better. “Finding other people who are also new to the community means you are finding people who are also in that finding-friends period of life,” Warnick says.
Cook calls it “adult kindergarten,” because like young children meeting their classmates for the first time, “you’ve got to get yourself out on the playground.”
[What Makes a Community Walkable?]
If it takes a bit of time to work up to attending a class by yourself, you can still start building your community in small ways.
“Practice being friendly with people,” Cook says. “Talk to the person at the grocery store or the post office. Go there over and over; maybe they’re not going to be your best friend, but they’ll recognize you.”
Your new home may not quite feel like “home” for a while, but with effort you can help turn that moving anxiety or relocation depression into comfort with where you are.
“No matter where you live, you can fall in love with it, you can become more attached to it. And I say that with the caveat that not every place is right for every person … but you can make it a happy place,” Warnick says.
More from U.S. News
How to Find a Real Estate Agent
The 12 Best Real Estate Podcasts to Listen To
Why You Have Moving Stress, and How to Make Moving to a New Home Easier originally appeared on usnews.com
