In 2007, Bill Dehkes contemplated suicide for a week as he drove on a Minneapolis road that was part of his daily routine. At one point he even unbuckled his seatbelt.
“I thought if I drove 100 yards, I would run right into the concrete bridge, and it would be over,” he recalls.
Thankfully, Dehkes never followed through.
“I realized I had a lot more to do,” he says.
A couple of years after he thought about taking his own life, Dehkes co-founded the Face It Foundation, a nonprofit organization with the mission of helping men recover from depression, anxiety and thoughts of suicide.
Many men tend to try to “tough it out,” explains Dehkes, who also serves as the group’s chief operating officer. They often have difficulty talking about feelings of depression, which makes detecting and treating it all the more crucial.
What is male depression?
Despite its subtle, sometimes hard-to-detect signs, depression is common. An estimated 6 million men suffer from depression each year, according to the Anxiety Disorders Association of America.
These can include:
— Sudden change or loss, such as the death of a loved one or divorce.
— Challenging life events, such as job stress or job loss.
— Abuse from a partner or loved one.
— Genetic predisposition or a disruption to the chemicals that regulate mood in the brain.
— Substance abuse or substance use disorder.
— Aging, illness or certain medications, such as steroids.
“For a number of reasons — failure to recognize depression, downplaying signs and symptoms, reluctance to discuss depression and resistance to seeking treatment — male depression frequently goes undiagnosed,” says Shant Khajadourian, a psychiatric social worker with Ritz Recovery in Los Angeles.
Being able to recognize the signs of depression is critical, particularly because men die by suicide 3.9 times more often than women, according to 2021 data from the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.
“Women tend to have higher rates of suicide attempts in comparison to men, while men have higher rates of death by suicide due to use of more lethal means,” adds Dr. Charles Weber, founder and chief medical officer of the Family Care Center, which offers behavioral health services in Colorado, Tennessee and Texas.
What causes male depression?
Many different factors can contribute to the development of depression.
“Men may demonstrate changes in mood through increased irritability, anger or aggression,” Camacho says. “This may be attributed to biological factors, traditional gender norms and societal expectations of men.”
In addition, some men may express distress as hostility or through abuse and distractions like extreme sports, while others may exhibit more common signs of depression, such as anxiety, withdrawal and overt sadness.
Overall, signs of male depression can include:
Symptoms of depression in men
Depression varies from one individual to the next, and generally speaking, symptoms of depression can manifest differently in men than women, explains Merllely Camacho, a behavioral health clinician at L.A. Care Health Plan, the largest publicly operated health plan in the U.S.
“Men may demonstrate changes in mood through increased irritability, anger or aggression,” Camacho says. “This may be attributed to biological factors, traditional gender norms and societal expectations of men.”
In addition, some men may express distress as hostility or through abuse and distractions like extreme sports, while others may exhibit more common signs of depression, such as anxiety, withdrawal and overt sadness.
Overall, signs of male depression can include:
Isolation
One of the key signs of depression in men is isolation. This self-imposed distancing from friends and loved ones is a common response for anyone who’s not feeling their best.
Comedian Gary Gulman knows the pain of isolation all too well, even in the midst of a burgeoning career and sociable public persona.
In the early 2010s, Gulman seemed to be crushing it. He toured regularly and often greeted fans after the show, making affable chitchat. However, Gulman was sometimes so wracked with anxiety he often didn’t respond to friends’ texts or phone calls for months. He turned down invitations to watch basketball games or attend parties and other social gatherings.
“There was a lot of isolating,” he recalls. “I’d attend bat mitzvahs and weddings out of a feeling of obligation and put on a good face, but it felt excruciating. The buildup to going to a social event was so fraught. I was so anxious I’d bite my lip until it bled.”
Withdrawal is a classic sign of depression in people of all genders, but a man’s pals may be less aware that anything concerning is going on when he pulls away.
“Guys may have that buddy culture where they drink, watch sports and do sports, but they don’t necessarily share their vulnerability directly or talk about their fears or concerns,” says Glenn Good, a licensed psychologist and dean of the University of Florida College of Education.
Changes in sleep habits
Some days, you just need to catch up on sleep. But when you’re regularly sleeping 12 to 14 hours at a time — as Gulman often did during the worst of his depression — something’s probably wrong.
Gulman, for instance, used to read 50 or 60 books a year but slept a lot more and lost his ability to focus after depression took over.
“I couldn’t read anything longer than an op-ed column,” he says.
When you have depression, “you sleep when you should be awake, and you’re awake when you should be asleep,” says Dennis Gillan, a mental health advocate and motivational speaker in Greenville, South Carolina, whose two brothers died by suicide. One of them, he suspects, suffered from depression.
It’s not just excessive sleep that can signal depression. Insomnia, or difficulty sleeping, can be a symptom too and is common among men, the National Institute of Mental Health reports.
Irritability
To be diagnosed with depression, an individual must experience sadness or a loss of interest in normal activities almost every day for at least two weeks, along with meeting other criteria, according to the American Psychiatric Association.
But in men, that feeling of sadness may look more like anger or irritability.
“Anger can be a helpful emotion to help us know when our rights are being violated,” Good says.
This is especially true in male veterans and first responders. These individuals “are more likely to express anger as a reflection of their inner turmoil” in response to some of the traumatic events they’ve witnessed, Weber says.
But when it’s out of proportion to the situation, frequent or directed at an intimate partner, it’s no longer helpful and could signal depression.
“If it’s extreme, something is amiss for that guy,” Good says.
Excessive alcohol use
After Gillan’s second brother’s funeral, he got drunk and “woke up in a dark place.” After he recognized the problem, he was able to get help and is now nearly 27 years sober.
“Men may feel that it’s not OK to express their feelings of sadness, so they might drink more as an example of a way that we allow men to deal with painful feelings,” explains James Mahalik, a professor in the counseling, developmental and educational department at the Boston College Lynch School of Education and Human Development
Loss of interest
If your buddy who’s fanatical about playing pickup hoops suddenly loses interest in lacing up his sneakers and getting onto the court, that might be a sign of depression, says Anita Gadhia-Smith, a psychotherapist who practices in Washington, D.C., and suburban Maryland.
“This can be part of a larger pattern of a loss of interest in many activities that were previously enjoyed or where there was a higher level of engagement,” she explains.
Workaholism
Workaholism can also be a manifestation of depression.
Some men suffering from depression “create a compulsive cycle of activity or thoughts that produces stress and busyness, which can mask or distract from depression,” Gadhia-Smith explains.
Reckless behaviors
Reckless behaviors, like overspending or gambling, can also be signs that a man is depressed.
“This is another way that people try to escape an unfulfilling life and difficult feelings,” Gadhia-Smith says. “When someone pursues a new obsession or compulsion, that can be a sign that they are trying to cope with depression.”
Becoming addicted to pornography or sex can also be signs of depression.
Physical symptoms
Mental health issues can cause physical symptoms. For some people that can include headaches, digestive issues and other problems, Khajadourian says.
Men may be more willing to admit to physical sensations than mental pain or anguish. It’s easier to complain of a stomachache or a headache than to talk about what’s underlying these physical manifestations of depression.
Breaking the stigma
If you’re struggling with depression or notice a man in your life who seems to be grappling with some of these symptoms, it’s important to reach out.
“It’s time to reshape the way we think about men experiencing mental illness in our society,” Camacho says, adding that “if you are concerned about a man in your life, encourage them to seek help.”
Weber adds that men shouldn’t confuse asking for help as weakness.
“Real strength lies in acknowledging when you’re going through a tough time and reaching out for support,” he says.
It often takes a nudge from a friend or loved one to push men to seek that help, so creating an environment conducive to seeking help and prioritizing mental well-being can be key for supporting the men you love.
“Further support the men in your life by providing a safe place to be open and vulnerable about their emotions,” Camacho says. “You do not need to know the perfect words or interventions to provide support. Empathy and validation may be more helpful than you think.”
Depression is treatable.
If you’re suffering from symptoms of depression, talk to your health care provider or contact the the national Suicide and Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting 988, which is available 24/7.
“The good news is that depression is very treatable,” Mahalik says.
Gulman can attest to this. The comedian says his worst and deepest period of depression began in April 2015. After two hospital stays and 24 rounds of electroconvulsive therapy, Gulman says, he started his recovery in the fall 2017.
Two years later, HBO aired “The Great Depresh,” Gulman’s comedy special in which he openly talks about his struggles with depression. Since his hospital stays, Gulman has remained vigilant about maintaining his depression recovery regimen, which includes talk therapy, regularly accepting social invitations, keeping a healthy sleeping pattern and exercising.
One recent morning, he woke up at 5:30 a.m. to start his day with a game of pickup basketball.
“I’ve never felt better in my entire life,” Gulman says.
To summarize, here are eight signs of depression in men:
— Isolation
— Changes in sleep habits
— Irritability
— Excessive alcohol use
— Loss of interest
— Workaholism
— Reckless behaviors
— Physical symptoms
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7 Signs of Depression in Men originally appeared on usnews.com
Update 09/29/23: This story was previously published at an earlier date and has been updated with new information.
