10 Terrible Gift Ideas for Kids on Amazon.com

Candy Cigarettes - Just Like Dad - $5.99
Description:
  • Novelty candy cigarettes, to be just like dad
  • Features a special orange flavor
  • These long, stick-like candies look something like cigarettes


My 3-year-old looks at least 5 when she enjoys a "drag" on one of these scrumptious treats.

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$100 Bill Toilet Paper - $6.30
As if it isn't hard enough to teach a kid the value of money.

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Jumpin' Banana Doody Head Velcro Cap Poo Flinging Game - $17.87
There are some major life lessons I strive to teach my kids as they grow up.

1. Don't throw poop.

2. Don't throw things at someone's head.

In one fell swoop, this game destroys years of parenting.

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Mr T In Your Pocket - $8.99
Under no circumstances should any child have Mr. T in his/her pocket.

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Switchblade Mustache Comb - $5.42
Keep your eyes peeled for wild packs of mustachioed street youths smoking cigarettes and wielding inadequate looking switch blades.

Product description:

It's a sad, but true, fact that many young boys will one day experiment with facial hair. Regrettably, some will even allow the hair on their upper lip to grow wild and long into what is called a "mustache." For these boys, special consideration should be given to the grooming of the mustache so as not to let it become bushy and unkempt. Each of these 4" (10.2 cm) long (when open), metal and plastic combs snap open with the push of a button and if used regularly can turn an adolescent mustache into something almost tolerable.

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The World's Most Comfortable Clown Nose - $2.19
There is a 100 percent guarantee that your child will be disappointed if you get him/her this as a gift.

What is the company's justification for the "world's most comfortable" claim? I, for one, would like to see the documentation on this.

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Instant Irish Accent Breath Spray - $7.50
So if I am reading this correctly, I pay $7.50 for a a vial of chemicals that I spray into my child's mouth and that are powerful enough to change the way he/she talks? What happens if my child already has an Irish accent?

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Inflatable Unicorn Horn - $8.25
Product Description: Your inner-unicorn is screaming to come out at the most inopportune times. What are you supposed to do? The next time you hear that mystical whinny, just take your vinyl Inflatable Unicorn Horn out of its tin, blow it up and put the elastic strap around your head. Suddenly you are a unicorn. Could turn even a short elevator ride into a statement about you being a unicorn.

I most definitely don't want to be on that elevator.

Unfortunately, the sweater doesn't seem to be included.

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Fake Hypo Needle - $2.49
Just the other day, my kids were playing "heroin addict." This would be perfect for them.

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Deluxe Horse Mask - $20.00
The creepiness factor of this gift, alone, should be enough of a deterrent. There is no doubt: Parents who purchase this for their kids will one day wake up and discover this mask in the bed with them.

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