Mike Causey, special to wtop.com
WASHINGTON – Divorce is tough regardless of your age or the age you live in, but never more so than in the 21st Century … when we became a Facebook Nation.
Way back in the day, when a cave couple decided they weren’t compatible, splitting up was fairly easy. He got the stuffed woolly mammoth; she got the clay pots. They flipped for the artwork on the cave wall, and agreed to joint custody for the pet yak.
Later on, Henry VIII took it a bit further.
Dissolving a union became increasingly complex each century, leading to a population boom of lawyers and counselors.
But in terms of cruelty, nothing can match today’s divorce.
A friend knows a couple in the process of becoming two singletons. Without going into too much detail, they both knew their marriage was in trouble — but as often happens — one knew it before the other.
In this case, the husband knew something was wrong when he checked his wife’s Facebook page and it said under the relationship part that she was “single.” He grew more suspicious when he discovered his wife had been secretly making travel plans, which involved moving 1,200 miles from their D.C. home.
Alarm bells also sounded when their friends, who were really more her friends, started making excuses when they were invited over for dinner or to parties.
Being the happy-go-lucky type (or so I am told), the husband was perplexed, but clearly didn’t realize the gravity of the situation until she dropped the ultimate hammer … 2012 style.
Before I get into what technological weapon she did use (which was certainly not available to absolute monarchs of the past or to judges during the Salem Witch Trials), let’s talk about what she didn’t do:
She didn’t tell him or give any signs that there was someone else. Nor did she say she could no longer live with a man who stacks the dishes front-to-back in the dishwasher, or refused to shave on weekends.
There were no accusations that he drinks too much. It wasn’t because he hogs the remote, and it wasn’t that he wears Washington Redskins pajamas, and sometimes a helmet, to bed. Or that he snorts when he laughs, which he apparently does.
When he asked her, “what’s wrong?” she didn’t respond with the “nothing” answer, which is a 100 percent guarantee there is plenty wrong.
No, none of the above.
What she did was … “defriend” him on Facebook. Cut him off.
He no longer has access to her Facebook wall.
That’s when you know its over.
Someday, maybe for the sake of the kids, he will resume his place among her several thousand BFFs, but for now, this guy is eyeless in Gaza (or more correctly, clueless in Kensington).
How much further can man’s-inhumanity-to-man go?
Sorry, I just got a text. Gotta run.
Mike also writes a daily column for Federal News Radio.
(Copyright 2012 by WTOP. All Rights Reserved.)