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Knuckleheads in the News

Monday - 8/18/2014, 9:34am  ET

Winner: B

April 21, 2014

A) A New Jersey court system that summoned a dog to jury duty. Her owner noticed IV's name on a notice in the mail and was surprised to see she had been called to do her civic duty. The court says it was just a computer error, and she doesn't have to worry about showing up.

B) Three Penn State students who took selfies with the Nittany Lion statue -- in their birthday suits. The men were fully clothed when police arrived -- but admitted they took the photos. They're facing school discipline.

C) A woman who went on a rampage in a McDonald's, in her undies. The woman turned over a cash register and the McFlurry machine before helping herself to some ice cream. She was arrested.

Winner: C

April 14, 2014

A) Two Minnesota men who were caught burglarizing a car repair shop --- but in the process, they butt-dialed 9-1-1. The police arrived on the scene to see the men leaving the building with a TV. When they noticed the police they ran...but were caught by police dogs.

B) A Toledo woman who lost her temper at a McDonalds after hearing that there were no McNuggets on the breakfast menu. She punched an employee at the drive-thru, then breaks the window. No one was hurt but she was arrested.

C) A Texas woman who called the police to complain that her pot was mediocre. She said she bought 40 dollars worth of substandard marijuana and her drug dealer wouldn't refund her money. She was arrested.

Winner: C

April 7, 2014

A) A Czech museum that hired a convicted fraudster as its chief economist. The man had escaped from prison a few months before -- after getting locked up for embezzlement. He made off with about a third of the museum's budget.

B) A Notre Dame student who passed out in a business after breaking in and eating a bunch of hot pockets. The 19-year-old wrecked a spa he broke into after a night of drinking -- ate a bunch of food, then passed out in the kitchen. He's charged with burglary, vandalism, and underage drinking.

C) A Philadelphia woman who attacked her boyfriend's lover with rats. The woman and her friends broke windows at the lover's house and dropped in a bunch of white rats. Police are still looking for the group.

Winner: A

March 31, 2014

A) A Michigan woman who cheated on her drug test and then posted about it on Facebook. The 22-year-old was on probation for a DUI, but managed to pass a breathalyzer after a day of drinking then told all her friends about it. Her probation officer found out -- and she's back in jail.

B) A Nebraska teen who stole a car, but couldn't drive it because it was a stick. The 19-year-old used a gun to take the car from a woman, but crashed into a yard a few feet away because he didn't know how to drive a manual transmission. He sat in the car until police showed up. He's been charged with robbery.

C) A Maryland teacher who used beer as part of a math assignment. The 6th-grade- teacher had a riddle on the homework that asked kids about the alcoholic beverage, and parents weren't happy about it. The assignment wasn't one given out by the school system, but there's not plan to discipline the teacher.

Winner: A

March 24, 2014

A) A North Carolina man was arrested after sucking a woman's toes --- in a WALMART. He convinced the woman he was a podiatry student, helped her try on her shoes...then, he stuck her foot in his mouth.

B) A traveler shut down a Beijing airport after claiming he had a bomb in his BUM. The man was annoyed by the check-in procedures and apparently didn't anticipate the consequences of his remarks...or the cavity search. No bomb was found.

C) A shirtless man who shooed off a landscaping crew by flashing a lifesize handgun tatoo on his hip. The crew thought it was a real gun tucked into his pants. Police arrived with guns drawn... apparently this wasn't the first time this happened.

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