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Knuckleheads in the News

Monday - 7/28/2014, 9:43am  ET

September 10, 2012

A) A 47-year-old man in Washington state accidentally called 911 last week. The only problem? It happened while he was stealing a car...and drunk. He got away from police that night...but they caught up with the man after his phone accidentally called 911 again the next morning.

B) A 14-year-old was arrested at a Florida Walmart for shoplifting...but it turns out the cop who 'arrested' him was actually his 17-year-old friend. After flashing a fake badge, police say he cuffed his friend and the duo made off with stolen merchandise. Store employees caught on and called the REAL police when they saw him uncuff his friend in the parking lot. The two were arrested later.

C) A New York man tried to use a counterfeit $50 bill to pay for food at an amusement park. Security caught him...so he tried to eat $1,200 more of the fake cash. Security managed to retrieve the bills. The man is now under arrest.

Winner: B


September 3, 2012

A) A New Mexico inmate spent five months trying to break out of his cell using a razor blade and popsicle sticks and he succeeded! But once he got outside, he changed his mind and returned to his cell.

B) You don't wear white to a wedding and you certainly don't steal the wedding gifts. A guest at a New York wedding reception was spotted in a coat room with a box of envelopes for the newlyweds where he stuffed them in his clothes and ran off! The other guests chased him and pinned him down until police arrived.

C) She just wanted to listen to some good music! A New Hampshire woman was arrested three times in 26 hours for blasting "Highway to Hell" by AC/DC. Shortly after she was released, she threw a frying pan at her nephew and was arrested yet again.

Winner: C


August 27, 2012

A) A Florida man stole a 32-inch television from Walmart and then took off on his bicycle. When the man turned to look at the cops chasing him, he slammed his bike into a police cruiser. He's ok but was arrested for theft.

B) Two New York men thought it would be easy to rob a store disguised as police officers -- fake masks, badges, and all. They might have made a clean getaway but they were caught after sending a polite thank-you note to the company that made their masks.

C) A Florida man called 911 for a very personal reason. Police say the 32-year- old wanted a female deputy to come to his house to "hook up." He called seven times in two days. Now he's in jail.

Winner: B


August 20, 2012

A) How do you walk out of a store with a stolen 42 inch TV? Well, this knucklehead thought hiding it under her skirt would do the job, and it almost worked. The Romanian woman made it to a nearby bus stop before police finally made the arrest. Her accomplice said she had "very strong thigh muscles."

B) Talk about making yourself at home. This 22-year-old Maryland man broke into a Salisbury home, stripped down to his underwear, and decided to cook chicken pot pie. When officers arrived, he was sitting in a living room chair watching TV.

C) Stealing sausage? Well, why not stuff it down your pants? A 35-year-old Pennsylvania man was caught shoplifting after police say he was trying to stuff a $6 sausage down his pants at a State College grocery store.

Winner: A


August 13, 2012

A) A British man almost burned down his apartment when he tried to dry his wet socks and underwear in a microwave oven. He damaged the appliance and ruined his knickers.

B) A Florida woman tried to surprise her boyfriend by driving his truck topless. But her plan was quickly foiled when the cops caught her speeding down the street. When she tried to flee, she crashed the F-250 into an oak tree. She's fine but was arrested and released on bond.

C) Drunk driving on a lawn mower is never a good idea. A police officer spotted a Florida man riding his lawn mower on the street in the wrong lane. The guy's eyes were bloodshot, he smelled of alcohol, and a cold beer was sitting in the cup holder. Apparently he was on his way back from buying an 18-pack pf beer. He only had four beers left.

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