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Knuckleheads in the News

Monday - 9/15/2014, 9:17am  ET

B) A Kentucky man who had a feast inside a grocery store. The 30-year-old ate 6 steaks, shrimp, and birthday cake. Then, washed it all down with some beer. He was found in the ceiling of the store the next day.

C) An Oregon man who tried to escape police by swimming across the Columbia River. The 20-year-old took cops on a car chase before crashing the car near the river. He got tired after trying to backstroke across the river, and asked police to save him. He was charged with vehicle theft and other charges.

Winner: A


May 13, 2013

A) A California woman who quit smoking by slapping a cop. She figured it would be easier to stop smoking if she was somewhere she just couldn't smoke, like jail. She landed in the slammer for 63 days.

B) A Michigan woman who was arrested for stalking herself. The 52-year-old sent threatening messages to herself from a fake Facebook account for a year. Then, called police to say her ex-boyfriend's new girl was after her. Police figured out it was her and charged her with filing a false report.

C) An Illinois woman who got a DUI while celebrating the end of another DUI. The 58-year-old had just gotten her license back and was pulled over for speeding. Her blood alcohol level turned out to be nearly twice the legal limit.

Winner: C


May 6, 2013

A) Two Georgia men who fell through the ceiling while peeping into a women's bathroom. They're being charged with being Peeping Toms and damage to property.

B) A New Hampshire man who lost 26 hundred bucks on a carnival game. The 30- year- old was trying to toss balls into a basket. The balls kept bouncing out, but he kept playing. The carnival assistant gave the guy back 600 dollars and a giant banana when he complained. Now police are investigating whether the game was rigged.

C) A Georgia woman who stole a bible from a bookstore. The 23-year-old tried to walk out of a Barnes and Noble with the book, but got caught. She was arrested and had to put up over a thousand dollar for bail.

Winner: B


April 29, 2013

A) A Nevada man who drove his car through a church after the pastor wouldn't speak to him. The 51-year-old drove through an entrance and down a hallway. He's being charged with burglary and destruction of property.

B) A Kansas man who called for police protection from the prostitute he couldn't pay. He had confessed he couldn't pay the four hundred dollars he owed her after spending two hours with her. He called police and was charged with patronizing a prostitute.

C) A man from India who sold his newborn grandson. The man was reportedly unhappy that his daughter had gotten a divorce and he wanted to arrange a new marriage for her. He thought it would be easier if she didn't have a child from her first husband. The baby had been sold on FACEBOOK before the scheme was uncovered. The child was reunited with his mother. All involved in the sale have been arrested.

Winner: B


April 22, 2013

A) A New Jersey man who tried to steal a car, but couldn't drive it! The 18- year- old held up the owner of a Porsche at gunpoint, then tried to drive away. But he couldn't drive a stick-shift. Police got him as he ran away.

B) An Ohio man who stole a grill, and left a trail of charcoal right to his house. Police found the thief taking apart the grill. The man said he found the grill in an alley. When cops didn't believe him, he blamed a homeless man.

C) Movie star Reese Witherspoon who was arrested after verbally harassing a police officer when her husband was pulled over for driving drunk. She asked police if they knew who she was and told them they couldn't tell her to stay in the car because she's a U.S. citizen on American soil. She has since apologized to police.

Winner: A


April 15, 2013

A) Three Wyoming men who stole a samurai sword, then left a trail of footprints to their getaway house. Police followed the prints from one home to the other, And found the thieves digging through a bunch of stolen goods.

B) Two Oregon burglars who took an orange juice break before they drove off, and left the juice carton in the garage covered with their DNA, which was in the FBI database. One of the crooks is in jail, and the police are still working on charges against the other.

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